Nigerian Scams

Once in a while when you are bored out of your skull and in a chat room, you run into scammers . It is interesting how they trap gullible folks, here is one such conversation.
scammer: hello
me: hello
scammer: pls can u assist me in a business transaction involve a huge amount of money and we both stand to make a good money out of it at the end

[ Ha ha ha ha Nigerian scammer in action]

me: really
scammer: where are u from?
me: US
scammer: 34f from lagos nigeria
scammer: i work as a banker
scammer: u?

[ Really? And we are so dumb]

me: I work as a assistant in an office
scammer: wat post?
me: administrative assistant
me: you know the kind that take calls and book appointments and plan conferences
scammer: oh ic
scammer: ur age and name pls?
me: david 22
scammer: nice meeting u david
me: what is your name
scammer: am Lauren by name
me: nice meeting you lauren
scammer: u are welcome

[ Yawn Pleasantries, establishing rapport]
scammer: i want u to assist me financially in a business transaction involve alot of money and we both stand to make a good profit out of it at the end
me: oh wow
me: how ?
scammer: i need ur assistant to stand as next of kin and sole beneficiary to the sum of $6.5million usd lying unclaimed in the bank i work
me: you are kidding right
scammer: this is not a joke or child play david
me: oh ok

[Show sense of indignation to establish that you are legit]

scammer: i want this transaction to be a top secret between u and me 'cos u know how much am talking about here
scammer: can u keep a top secret?
me: yes yes
scammer: alright
scammer: listen carefuly
me: ok
scammer: This funds was deposited here in the bank by Mr Toni Choate an american contractor who died wit wife and only daughter in an auto accident in the year 2001
me: oh
scammer: ever since the death of the late Mr Toni Choate this funds has been lying down unclaimed in the bank and all effort made by bank to locate the next of kin to this funds prove abbortives
scammer: u wit me?
me: yes
scammer: good
scammer: now i want u to act as the next of kin to the late Mr Toni Choate by contacting the bank managing director for the claim of the funds so this funds can be release into ur bank account in usa
me: huh? wont i get in trouble for acting ?
scammer: listen
scammer: there is no trouble involve in this business
scammer: i want u to be rest assured that this transaction is legal and %100 risk free which am going to protect u from any breach of the law
me: oh ok
scammer: all i just need from u here is ur deep trust and honesty that u wont betray me when u get this funds transfer into ur bank account
me: of course
me: you can trust me
scammer: good

[ Hilarious, trust, its legal, 100 risk free (rotfl), protection from law]

me: what do i do
scammer: if there is nobody found to claim out this funds from the bank the bank wil forfiet the funds and it wil be transfer into the bank treasury room which means this funds could be share among the bank top directors
me: oh, not the bankers!
scammer: good
scammer: i dont want this funds share among the bank top directors 'cos i believe this is a golden opportunity in life
me: yes it sounds like one
scammer: u wil write a letter to the bank email address explaining that Mr Toni Choate is ur late uncle and u are ready to claim out ur funds as the only beneficiary so the bank can instruct u on how the funds wil be wired into the bank account
me: ok and
scammer: at the conclusion of this business %40 wil be ur own share of the total amount of the money
me: oh wow
scammer: dont take this as a joke or child play
scammer: i wil also send u all legal documents that back up this transaction so u can know am for real

[ha ha ha ha legal documents!]

me: okay
me: u have a cell no to talk to you about this ?
scammer: yep
me: what is it
scammer: am contacting u here 'cos this funds can not be approve to a local person here in Nigeria except someone from foreign country who know and have adequate info about the funds can stand as the next of kin
me: i understand
scammer: am only contacting u here as the first foreigner wit believe in God u wil never let me down at the end
me: yes i will not let you down
me: what is your cell number ?
me: do you have a pic ?
scammer: thats my pic in the display
scammer: or u check my profile to see me pic
scammer: +2348080781092
me: okay
me: do you want me to call now ?
me: ur pic is not clear in profile
me: or display
scammer: alright
me: shall i call now ?
scammer: yes
me: says the number is busy
scammer: i got ur missed call
scammer: but is hidden number
me: yes i am using a calling card for international dialing

[ of course i am not gonna call you with my real number! that's what voip phones are for anyway]

scammer: ic
scammer: listen
scammer: before u apply for the claim of the funds there are some vital processing that need to be done by me here in the bank
me: why didn't u answer the phone
scammer: am at work
me: so what
scammer: u really want to speak wit me right?
me: yes
scammer: alright
scammer: call me
me: i can't understand a word
me: u said

[some unintelligible gibberish]

scammer: yep
me: what did you say
scammer: i said my boss is here wit me
scammer: come online so we can talk
scammer: i dont want to get myself in trouble
scammer: u know this as to be a top secret between u and me
me: yes yes

[sure top top top top secret, geez]

scammer: before u apply for the claim of the funds i have to first open a beneficiary file here in ur name
me: ok
scammer: and i wil also insert ur full info into the bank central computer as the next of kin to the late Mr Toni Choate so when u contact the bank managing director for the claim of the funds ur full details wil appear as the next of kin
me: ok
scammer: but if u contact and ur info is not found in the bank central computer the bank wil find it very difficult to believe u as the next of kin
me: of course
scammer: so i wil need the info as follow so i can start the processing rightaway
scammer: Full name
scammer: Residential address
scammer: Occupation
scammer: Fax and Mobile number
scammer: Date of birth
scammer: Email address

[first round of personal information, second round would be bank information anyway]

me: ok
me: and what other information do u need
scammer: thats all i need from u so do the processing
scammer: then after am done u can know apply for the claim of the funds
me: david fubar, 1650 Pennsylvania Ave NW, Washington, DC 20500, 202-001-0911, davidf@419eater.com
scammer: very funny david
scammer: wat do u mean by 419 eater?
me: that's the website i have an email address with
me: what'
me: what's funny about that
scammer: sound funny to me
scammer: well u know wat
scammer: i can never force u to do wat u are not sure of
scammer: i know and also understand how cheat is going on in the internet
scammer: so we dont know who to trust
me: that coming from you is hilarious
me: you complaining about cheating is hilarious
[silence :p]

For those who are wondering what the whole 419eaters.com is , well check it out it a site dedicated to busting Nigerian scams. You can read FBI's warning on these scams here